i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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