Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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