how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it because I queefed?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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