A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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