I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This couple is walking their pig around campus
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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