My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
