It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
