Can i not drive my cunt home
id be glad to
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
