dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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