she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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