is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
