sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
