What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
