Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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