dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
