yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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