I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
