This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
