The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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