this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
