did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
