well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
