Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
