Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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