Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
being pregnant is like rehab
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
