He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
