drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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