I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
