Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
