Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
