Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
