I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
