Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
