I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
