wrigley field is MILF paradise
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
