you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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