It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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