you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
