How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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