They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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