just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
