Pappa wants mamma naked
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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