went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
