my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
