My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
