So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
only if we run a train.
done.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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