Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize