well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
