The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
