i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
