i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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