I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
