I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
