I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
