Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
