so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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