She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
