if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
