i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
