I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
