Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am puke
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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