I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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