I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
