How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
