Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
