i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
