Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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