After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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