she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
