she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize