yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
