You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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