Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
