But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
