I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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