It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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