if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
