is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
