well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
