In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
