I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
