Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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