the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
